In the middle of a long post on her blog 1000 single days, Vanessa has this to say about loneliness, and why is hasn’t hit her so far.
“The reason that I believe I have not experienced loneliness thus far can be put down to a few things. Firstly, I am too fricken busy for loneliness right now. When you raise 2 young boys and a teenage girl on your own while studying a full time degree and writing a blog, while working out like crazy every day due to ‘Operation Banging Body’, when you get a knock at the door, and you open it, and there is loneliness standing there with his bags packed, ready to move in, you just have to shrug your shoulders, apologize, explain there is simply no room, and close the door.
Secondly, I have said it before, but my friends and my family. I really do believe that I may just have the most incredible network of friends, and a more remarkable family than anyone could hope for. They all support me in this crazy thing I am doing of course, and just as I would never have begun writing if not for them, nor had the courage to begin this journey, I would not have the strength to finish it if they were not such a huge part of my life. I am often told by my nearest and dearest, that they are noticing I am changing. I am becoming strong. That I seem more at peace. That there is not only a happiness in my face, but a joy coming from inside me somewhere.
When you receive feedback like that from people you know tell it like it is, it is a huge deal. I have spent the last few years being told ‘Whats happening to you Ness, you’re changing…. you seem so sad.’ One friend told me not too long ago that my eyes didn’t have any life in them anymore. How hard is it to hear things like that? Its devastating. How is it to hear that they believe you are coming back to life? Rising up from a close call, a near death experience? Its wonderful, and I need to hear it.
Finally, just as getting to know a person who you have just met, inside out may take a lifetime, getting to know who I am, especially after neglecting to do so up until this point means I have a lot of catching up to do, and loneliness will not translate from a mere word into an experience for as long as I am making an acquaintance with myself. I have begun by learning the real ABCs of Vanessa. For the first time in my life, I actually have a favorite colour (Hot Pink) and I have finally come out of the musical closet and embraced the fact I love filthy rap music, (my itunes is sounding a lot more ‘gansta’ these days) And the whole ‘Banging body’ thing came about because I had enough time to think and realise that I am honestly just a much happier person when I am thin and after a few years of trying to jump on the whole ‘love your post-baby body’ bandwagon, I have just had to throw my hands up in the air and say ‘you know what, I hated my post-baby body. I want a banging body, and despite all the bumper stickers that tell me I should feel beautiful no matter how fat my arse is, I want to be thin’ And that is a bit of a big deal to admit, because people hate it when other people say things like that, but after getting acquainted with myself, I realised that was where my happy place was, and just accepted it.” …Read the rest here…