She hangs herself up on the hooks of being a loser, having no real friends, being unlovable, being uninteresting, being ashamed and being the only one to feel like this. It’s painful to read, especially since she also admits to having an interesting job, young-adult children who come and go, liking her own company, active social life – having what many would see as a very good life.
So what could possibly be wrong to make her feel so lonely?
Marion McGilvary obviously doesn’t know, or isn’t prepared to admit it. I can only guess, given the clues in her article, but I’d imagine it’s about the illusion of emptiness, the aching gulf that opens up in people that can’t be filled by anything outside, however full the diary, however busy the life.
Marion, you’re not alone. The irony of loneliness is that something like a billion people feel the same way, which is a very big club. And feeling lonely doesn’t make you a loser. All it makes you is human. All those frantically busy people Tweeting and posting on Facebook, rushing hither and yon and being so terribly in demand all the time… what’s the betting that they’re desperately trying to fill the void, too? Or at least trying to ignore it.
We’re so good at deceiving ourselves, and some of us do quite well at deceiving other people. But beneath the Oscar-winning performances, the void yawns wide enough to swallow us down into the depths of nothingness.
Ms McGilvary will never find the answer in other people; she has to find it inside herself. The good news is that the answer’s already there.