Find your purpose in life

I listened to this fellow, Joe Nunziata, in a webinar about writing, but his bit applies to everyone, writers or not. Here’s his free ebook on the subject of finding your purpose in life, and why we’re here in the first place. Well worth a read. For if we know what we’re here to do, and where our true value lies, then all our energy, passion, enthusiasm and joy goes into that purpose, and we get fired up with more energy and passion – and how then can we be sad, lonely or listless? Click here for Joe’s download or click here to go to his website.

[Please NB I have no connection with him and am not in any kind of affiliate scheme]

Rethinking the split-up?

Have you split up from your partner? Got divorced? Thinking of getting back together?

Too many people give in and get back together with their exes because they’re feeling lonely. Getting back together is great, if it’s for the right reasons. But feeling lonely isn’t one of them, if your ex-partner isn’t right for you.

Lois Tarter, writing in the Huffington Post, offers this as one of seven reasons not to start seeing your ex again: 

You Don’t Want to Be Alone This Summer: Everybody who is single wants to have someone for the seasons. Who doesn’t like someone to share a picnic with in the summer and a person to cuddle with in the winter? The thought of being alone in winter might seem cold, but I recommend buying a heating blanket and hanging tight until the right someone comes into your life.”

Do you know anyone who’s made this mistake? How did it turn out? Have you ever considered it?

Does the world drive you mad? (Bit 1)

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Do you feel like throwing the world out of the window, most days? If people and their doings are driving you nuts, then you’ll be feeling pretty stressed, and maybe when the rage subsides you feel – what – depressed, tired, listless, anxious, miserable?

People do seem cuckoo much of the time – they’re irrational, illogical, inconsistent, unreliable, dim, lazy, bad-tempered, obstructive, aggressive, poisonous, incompetent…. Need I go on?

It’s enough to drive you completely nuts.

But… it’s not personal. They’re not out to get you, on the whole. They’re probably having a bad day and you get in the way.

If you snap, growl, snarl and whine your way through the day, people will start crossing the road to avoid you. God knows there are enough reasons to be crabby, but it’s just life. You can get sucked into it, or you can float above it.

If you respond to madness with fury, then the madness can go nuclear, and your ulcer gets bonus points.

So don’t. Be different. Surprise the mad loon and save your sanity.

A wish for the new week

Hobbes and Calvin

 

Everyone should have a friend who will be tigerish in protecting you; be a cool cat when you’re stressed out; be a bundle of fluff when you need a hug.

I wish you a Hobbes, whenever you need one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New blog title, new approach

I’ve discovered that no-one likes the words ‘lonely’ and ‘loneliness’. The majority of those who feel lonely would rather die than admit it (and sometimes they do). Some are even too scared of the idea that they deny it vigorously.

Although I’m getting some brilliant comments and wonderful people following, I’d love as many people as possible to read the blog and benefit from it; the obvious thing is to change its name to something positive and attractive.

I was listening to Bill Harris explaining the way we think about things, about the human subconscious being unable to process the negatives ‘no’, ‘not’, ‘no more’ and so on. Our minds grasp the phrase ‘no more loneliness’ but only the word ‘loneliness’ sinks in. So that’s what our minds think we want more of. Think of it this way…

There’s an elephant living in your bedroom. You find it gets in the way and makes life difficult, so you say to yourself: “I don’t want an elephant in the room any more.” You think of a lovely life without that bloody elephant making a nuisance of itself and cluttering up the room. But because you can’t imagine a negative, you have to think of the elephant in the room to be able to tell yourself that you don’t want it there. You can’t think of no elephant, can you? Your mind produces the image of an elephant. That’s how we think. We have to imagine the thing that we don’t want before we can state that we don’t want it. But there it is, in your mind’s eye, and that’s what you keep getting. Maybe you’ll get a second elephant, maybe this one will just stay there, making more mess and getting in the way.

Which is why I’ve changed the name of the blog. Loneliness means different things to each of us, but the essence of not being lonely, not being unhappy, not being depressed or apathetic or stuck, is to be full of joy, full of energy, full of zing, full of life.

You’ll see my user name has changed, too, from nomoreloneliness to Arabella FullofLife.

Hang around, there’s lots more to come.

Have a lively day!

Social animals

The point about the Ventura Boulevard story below is not that I met an old film star. It’s that the meeting was entirely due to her efforts to engage me, despite my aloof antisocial attempts at rejecting her.

What does that tell us? That she was lonely for an English voice, perhaps, for contact with her mother country, despite living in the US for most of her life. That I felt safer in my solitary bubble than risking a rejection myself, and that hiding behind a book was a defence against the imagined pitying and derisory looks from the staff and other customers? I’ve I’m really, really honest, yes. I was 35 and still conscious of my solo state, still secretly hankering after The Perfect Man and a life of bliss, even though I knew that Mr Perfect didn’t exist and even if he did, wouldn’t have been remotely interested in Miss Flawed Neurotic Mess. And that even if he were, the chances of a blissful life of love and laughter were like Bhutan – remote.

As for Nancy – if I had the chance again, I’d have asked her (very rudely) about the Hollywood life, and whether it is as bleak and lonely and empty and soul-destroying as so many say it is. I’d have asked her why she was so happy to talk to someone who wasn’t an autograph hunter, who knew about places she remembered from her childhood (she probably wouldn’t meet too many people in Los Angeles who’d heard of these small English towns), who was happy to talk about ordinary things.

We want connection with happy memories as much as present-day events; finding someone who can link us back to happy times makes us feel good. We want people to like us for ourselves, not for a reputation or a persona. We want to be valued for what’s inside us, not our outward appearance – that goes for the beautiful and the plain. Most of us want to be liked, don’t we?

Maybe random meetings are the best of all, when we’re away from our usual haunts, when there are no expectations, when people take us as they find us, when what you see is what you get. Allowing ourselves or persuading ourselves to smile at a friendly overture and welcome a casual invitation – or make them ourselves – may be our way in not just to new friendships but to a better appreciation of ourselves, as Ruth says in her comment.

Do you agree? What experiences have you had that support this or refute it?